The World’s Shallowest Movie Review

I’m sure I’ve mentioned in previous posts that my wife and I rarely agree on movies. Her tastes lean toward Hollywood love stories, indie love stories, and light comedies (with love as the central theme). I like anything with karate and the undead. So I’m sure I surprised her when I jumped at her suggestion to see “Black Swan.”

It’s certainly not for the ballet. I’ve never been to the ballet in my life. I don’t get it. The same goes for mime, most musicals, and all opera.

No, I decided to go for the shallowest of reasons. Female readers may want to exit now.

  • This particular theater serves Nathan’s hot dogs and drenches the popcorn with ungodly amounts of real butter.
  • Natalie Portman is blessed with great bone structure. Although she should mix in an occasional sandwich.
  • Natalie spends much of the film learning how to touch herself in pursuit of her art.
  • She and another hot actress (the older sister from “Zombieland,” I believe) make out.

I’ve always been fascinated by psychological thrillers in which the main character experiences a shocking slide into mental illness. “Repulsion” still sets the standard for this type of cinema. And it featured Catherine Deneuve in her prime (see great bone structure above).

Gentlemen, if you want to score major points by watching “Black Swan” with your significant other, please note. . . you could do a lot worse. Just make sure you get real butter.