I’m not a religious man. On the contrary, I think organized religion is responsible for most of the world’s problems, large and small, past and present. That’s not an original thought by any means, but it feels good to get it off my chest and on the record.
That being said, I try to live a worthy life (and set a positive example for the kids). Not because some god is telling me to, but because it feels better that way.
Although I’m not well versed in the 10 Commandments — I had to look them up to be able to write this blog — I try to adhere to the big ones as best I can. Let’s see how I measure up:
- Thou shall have no other gods before me – 100%. Or after me, for that matter. No gods, period.
- Thou shall not make unto thee a graven image – I wouldn’t know how if I tried. Hell, I don’t even know what “graven” means.
- Thou shall not take the name of the lord thy god in vain – Oops. I’ve probably said “goddammit” at least once a day every day since I was 11.
- Remember the sabbath day to keep it holy – Is football holy? If so, I’m ahead of the game.
- Honor thy father and thy mother – I wish they were alive today so I could apologize to them.
- Thou shalt not kill – People? So far, so good. Animals for food? I’m a stone killer. Insects? Bordering on genocide. If it helps, I’ve started feeling guilty lately.
- Thou shall not commit adultery – No motive, no opportunity. Although, like a certain ex-President, I lust in my heart.
- Thou shall not steal – Depends. Banks and rich old ladies? Nope. Office supplies and unauthorized soda refills? Guilty as charged.
- Thou shall not bear false witness against thy neighbor – I live in Las Vegas. We don’t even know our neighbors.
- Thou shall not covet thy neighbor’s house – See #9.
How’d I do? If murder and adultery count for more, I’m in good shape. If they’re all weighted equally — and keep in mind, I haven’t read the fine print — I’m in a heap of trouble.
Good thing I don’t believe in hell.